I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
