proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just blew my weed a kiss
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
