I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
