Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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