I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
