nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
