and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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