maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
