Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
