I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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