Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
