I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize