where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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