there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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