Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
