brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
