Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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