I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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