when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
