I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
