I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize