He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My life is pants optional.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
