so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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