What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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