quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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