Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
