Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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