Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
