i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
