Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
