my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
