Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
