Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
