K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
