Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
