.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
