I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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