May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
