i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
