i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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