As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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