I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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