saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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