if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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