it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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