Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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