I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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