I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
