he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
