My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize