She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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