): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
