I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
