I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
