Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize