So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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