I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i've created a new STD.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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