I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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