I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
