Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
