how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize