yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
