haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
