i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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