My boss' voice literally gives me gas
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
