Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
