I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize