I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
