My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
