thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
