I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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