Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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