Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
