what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
