so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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