This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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