Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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