You're earring is so big in my mouth
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
