I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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