Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize