If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
