I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize