i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
