I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
