i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
