escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
