meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wear drunk well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
