grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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