There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
