somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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