He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
