So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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