The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just found puke in my bra..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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