I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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