I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize