I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
