I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
