I bet he comes in French.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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