***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
